Celebrating Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week

Written By Guest User

This Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, we are celebrating all the incredible aromantic people in our community. Every aromantic person has their own story, but what unites them is the lack of representation and misinformation that is prevalent within society. We invited aromantic folks to answer our questions and share their stories, and their responses give a powerful insight into their experiences.

What does it mean to be aromantic?

Aromanticism is when someone experiences little or no attraction to others, or a unique experience of it. This differs from being alloromantic, which is when people do experience romantic attraction to others in a normative way. Not everyone’s journey or experience with aromanticism is the same. One of our volunteers, Arao, explains:

“Some aromantic people like myself can confidently say we don’t experience romantic attraction. But others experience romantic attraction in ways that don’t fit the experiences of alloromantic people. They might feel attraction in specific situations, such as after forming a deep emotional bond (so no crushes on strangers) or by knowing that someone has a crush on them. That attraction can be super strong but fade within a day, or have never existed at all, masking other feelings entirely. Not knowing the difference between romance and friendship is also common.”

Amatonormativity

In modern Australian society, we often expect people to fall in love and get married. This expectation alienates those who may feel like a failure or like they do not belong simply because they have different attitudes. This perception is slowly changing, but there’s still a long way to go. Whether it be the constant questions about whether you have found ‘the one’ yet, or characters who don’t want to get married eventually changing their mind in stories, there is always more that can be done.

“Our community constantly challenges a type of normativity that affects EVERYONE (but aromantics especially). You’ve heard of heteronormativity? Well get ready for a word that assumes that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term relationship. A word that assumes that EVERYONE must want and prefer this relationship type over others (even sexual, platonic, or familial ones).That word is amatonormativity,” says Arao.

The term amatonormativity was coined by Arizona State philosopher Elizabeth Drake. This belief that everyone falls in love, or wants to fall in love, can isolate those who do not share that view. It’s still considered as unusual for people to have never feel romantic attraction or the need to be in a relationship.

Within the community

One of the difficulties aromantic people can face is the lack of understanding from others, despite aromanticism being a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. This is an amatonormative approach where people believe that feeling romantic love is a requirement to being happy or even human.

“I hear a lot of 'love is love' when talking about the LGBTQ community. It gives a sense of 'we are ok with you only based on the relationship you'll form with another’. Yet aros don't or may not want a romantic relationship, so we're looked at like we're 'emotionally unavailable' which is far from the truth,” says contributor Ben.

Some may argue that aromantic people can’t face discrimination compared toalloromantic people, as their relationships (or lack thereof) are not open to persecution. However, this doesn’t mean that aromantic people don’t belong in the LGBTQIA+ community. They are still being discriminated against because of who they are and how they can express love. Some people even believe the stereotype that aromantic people are cold because they don’t feel love at all.

While some aromantics don’t feel romantic love, they can still love, such as platonic and familial love. Many can have life-long partners and non-traditional relationships. Some truly feel that they can’t love anyone, and that’s okay. Being capable of love doesn’t make someone inherently better or kinder. All the different ways someone can be aromantic are equally valid. It’s up to them to decide how they express their aromantic identity.

Exploring your identity

It can be difficult to explore your sexual and romantic identity. While some people immediately know who they are, many go through a journey.

“Many identify as both aromantic and their sexuality. Some go by aromantic without specifying their sexuality, while others relate to being aromantic but don’t feel the need to identify as such. Some don’t feel that distinction. You can be gay, straight, bi, pan, ace, etc. and be some flavour of aro. Explore what works for you! Whether you end up identifying as aromantic or not, you’ll learn how to create richer relationships (romantic or not) and have less pressure on yourself with relationships,” Arao explains.

With all the pressure to fit into an amatonormative worldview, it can be difficult to figure out exactly who you are. Whether it be family, friends, or even people who barely know you, society has a lot to learn to make aromantic people feel welcome and accepted.

As our contributors say, “you’re valid” and it’s always important to “feel yourself”. A happily ever after does not need a great love. It only needs you to be happy and be your authentic self.

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